found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I AM VODKA MAN
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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