I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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