oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
