Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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