Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
