i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Boobs speak an international language.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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