I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
