I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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