Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Actions speak louder than pants.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
