I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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