Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
