i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
