and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
