Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize