Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
