just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
