i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he thought i was a dude.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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