he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
