6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
