I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
