For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
