so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
