i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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