Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Quick, to the slutcave!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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