How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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