I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
