God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
