shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
