Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
