Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize