I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
