It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
