worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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