I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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