I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
