some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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