I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
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we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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