found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
