I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
