I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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