32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
