i don't like sucking hair
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
