You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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