Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm like, not good at living.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
