please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
