I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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