k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
