Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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