If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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