sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
