Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
