Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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