There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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