don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I forget how to act sober
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
