The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
