i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
