So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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