people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
