I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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