Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
