I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
