I accidentally burped into my bong.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
