Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
