Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
