Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
