the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
