Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
