Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
