This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
