I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
