His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
