so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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