You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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