So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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