I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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